Idiot's Guide to Bathroom Tiling
Following today’s exxxasperating (rated XXX for blasphemy, profanity and sexual swear-words) experience, I have prepared a short Idiot’s Guide to explain the complexity that is tiling your bathroom:
Step 1: Find someone who knows what they’re doing
Step 2: Pay them well
If it wasn’t difficult enough prising off old tiles in a house with walls apparently built of papier-mache (stupid cut-price ex-council properties) – oh, and here’s a tip; hitting the tile square in the middle with a hammer will not shatter it into handily removable pieces… but it will go right through and make a fetching hole in your wall – you’ve then got to stick the new tiles to the (now looking rather gnawed and sorry for itself) wall, and then grout them.
Grouting is somewhat akin to icing a cake with one of those funky squeezy funnel things – well, it would be, if you were in the habit of icing cakes that had fallen down the gap behind your sink and lodged at an awkward angle, requiring you to lie on your back with your head wedged against the toilet while you squint upwards and try not to inhale cancer-causing amounts of tile-dust.
Next weekend – the Idiot’s Guide to Cleaning the Shed (if my wife gets her own way)...
Filed under: Personal, Humour.
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