Now I'm nearly 30
I turn 30 a week from today, and received a well-timed email forward from a colleague:
BEING OVER 30
1. You leave things early to “beat the rush”.
2. You get more excited about having a roast on a Sunday than going partying on a Saturday.
3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start dreaming of having a son who might instead.
4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.
5. You prefer Later with Jools Holland to Top of the Pops.
6. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 50, he’s only 50.
7. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like.
8. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them because they’ll be all right for the garden.
9. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it.
10. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving properties of plastic winter covers for your garden bench and electronic mole repellent.
11. You make an effort to be in and out of the curry house by 11.
12. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to buy costs over 500 quid.
13. You don’t get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant assumes they’re for your kids.
14. All Pop music really starts to sound crap.
15. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don’t have any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle of house white.
16. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture.
17. You always have enough milk.
18. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent really loud restaurants and franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have
19. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4’s Time Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.
20. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear.
21. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q.
22. You wish you had a shed.
23. You have a shed.
24. You actually find yourself saying “They don’t make ‘em like that anymore” and “I remember when there were only 3 TV channels” and “Of course, in my day….”
25. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 – and Jeremy Vine has some really interesting guests on.
26. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, you tut at schoolchildren whose diction is poor.
27. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging baskets
28. You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time, and the indestructibility of the 20s gives way to a realisation that you are but passing through this life and if you don’t settle down soon and have kids you’ll have no-one to look after you when you’re old and frail and incontinent and you can’t go on p**sing your life up against a wall forever and think of how many brain cells you’re destroying every time a swift half turns into 10 pints, and look at that, a full set of stainless steel saucepans for 99 quid, they cost as much as 35 each if you buy them separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in…
In my defence, I shall also be attending a gig next month where I shall be down the front in the moshpit and then crashing on a mate’s floor for the night.
Acting your age? Pah…
Filed under: Humour, Personal.
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Comments
- Stuart
- 2750 days ago
- Oh great!! I’m only 50 now then. :grin:
- #1
- Stephane Deschamps (nota-bene.org)
- 2749 days ago
- It’s all too true.
There’s also the realisation that you’d really love to have kids, and look, your first newborn is yelping in your arms already.
And of course your belly’s propension to stop fitting in until-then perfectly-fit trousers. - #2
- Matthew Pennell
- 2749 days ago
- Stephane,
Well we’ve already got three, so it’s a bit late to be worrying about whether we want kids or not!
I see you’ve decided on a new online signature – good choice. :) - #3
